The FBI today served a warrant and removed the Obama pew
from the Rev. Wright’s church. A spokesman said the pew would be tested
for a multi-year accumulation of the glue which must have been used
to keep the Senator in his seat during the anti-American tirades
he finds so offensive.

Senator Obama said today that when William Avery was blowing
up bombs and his followers were slaughtering Brinks Guards he
was only eight years old. He also said that, had he been nine, he
would never even have looked at the sleazy bastard.

ACORN announced today that Senator Obama never worked
as a trainer for their organization. They also said he was being
considered for the job, but when the Senator suggested the name
of “Mickey Mouse” on a phony voter registration, they decided
he might not fit in.

Katie Couric today denied that she knows less about Supreme
Court rulings that does Gov, Palin. “For example”, she said, “everyone
knows the Roe vs. Wade decision is about our Constitutional right
to choices about how we will use the Washington reflecting pool.

Senator Obama today denied breaking his pledge to give support
to the Kenyan school named in his honor. He also denied failing
to help his poor Kenyan family. “Why. just recently”, he said, “I
sent them all autographed pictures of my 1.6 million dollar home.
Do you have any idea how much those will be worth when I am
President?”

The Obama campaign today denied that the Senator ever said
anything about sharing the wealth. A spokesman said, “One of
his topics there was his Health Program. What he actually said
was “share the health”.

Senator Obama today spoke today of what some have taken to be
arrogant posses of his with head tilted back and chin tilted up
like Benito Mussolini. “ I have a spinal problem which sometimes
causes my neck to spasm”, he said. “The only way to escape
the pain is to move my head as you have seen. It is a genetic
problem which I share with my uncle Caligula.”

Senator Obama said today he was upset by Farakhan’s reference
to him as “the Messiah”. In his response he said, “There are many
differences between us. For one thing, he was white.”